Here We Go Again

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Here we go again
No pencil to paper
But flesh to screen
Letting out streams of unbroken consciousness
In no new way then what was done before
But the writing gives no way to myself
My scrawl of ink scratching across some old notepad, no –
Instead across tepid electronic keyboard
And cold glass screen
Is there any of me
In what I do not touch?
Is there any emotion
In the places I do not reach?
Here we go again
Attempting to find
To feel
But it feels so empty and cold
And gives away none of emphasis I’d want to show
And so it’s all for show
Here we go again
Attempting to find
Trying to begin.

Tomorrow to Come

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(summer soliloquy)

Who could tell
Who could wonder why
When summer passes through me
Like tears on hazy honey eyes
When it floats away, like those dreams on the big open sea
And life is simply another
Lonely menagerie
Things will never be the same
As they were before
Quiet songs on the record player
Spinning old songs of anti-war
Kissing in the driveway
Before you head back home
Silent cravings felt
Sitting in our separate rooms
But one of these days
Everything will finally stop moving slow
And finally it will feel like
Time has a flow
And tomorrow will come
‘At long last’ we’ll cry
And I’ll sleep next you
As the world goes by.

Shattered Glass

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The wind howls louder still
Reaching for the empty heart
Of someone who never got their fill
Of a life that has yet to start
All of those hopeful flames
Dancing in such a cold, dark room
Ever so reluctant to respond to the change
We forget that we aren’t the same
Despite our matching tombs

So open your lungs
And breathe in
All these shards of shattered glass
Left in the future
From the pieces of our broken past
Breath out
All these shards of shattered glass
When we all stand alone
Who will be left to last?

Soak in the left over memories
And face the mirror
See the man you built
Out of the anger of all that you couldn’t achieve
Did you hear that it all comes crashing down?
Like the missed notes
Of your favorite love song
It’s going to come back around –
Despite the coughing and blood in your breath
We know the lost will eventually be found

So open your lungs
And breath in that shattered glass
No falling water can cleanse
What moves so fast
Breath out all that shattered glass
The pain will lose its edge
Though the scars always last
And while you lie sleeping
And I’m lost in my head
I’ll gather up all that shattered glass
Left behind on all those roads I’ve yet to tread

Bloom

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From beyond the nights
And into my sleeping head
Working for that sign of light
To finally pull me from my bed
A dance of moving parts and pieces
Gears twisting in their place
Fingers running over the creases
Left behind in the sheets
For behind my eyes – I no longer see your face
There’s nothing left in sleep for me
Not a sound or song or words of validation
Just the cries of the demands for my condemnation
There’s no quiet left in my room for me
Just echos of sounds and trails of hazy smoke
But before I wake to face the fumes
Of something lesser than what I want
I’m just waiting for these thorns in my head
To twist and bloom

A ballet of roses
And sweeter scents than what was left behind
A trickle of color
A downpour of things we’ll never find
I can hear everything so loudly
A symphony of re-repeating
Another collection of words
Just ski-skipping
I can feel it in my chest
The petals wilting ever so soon
So that the weeds and thickets
Can continue to bloom

There’s nothing  but twisting in the dark
There’s nothing but absence in the cold
A lack of color to your lungs
And an empire of dead bones to behold
The world turns beneath
As I sleep in the silence of it all
And the quiet, rushing thoughts bare their yellow teeth
There’s so much of it all
In the aching of the gloom
I can only wait for morning
And hope there is more waiting to break through and bloom

Rubble (Left in October)

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I once knew you
But don’t remind me
Like the rubble of the car wreck
That still sits close to me
And the oxygenated air
That still makes me dizzy
I don’t want to think about what doesn’t make me forget
An orange atmosphere with nothing left
And voices in the background to remind me of my debt
My mind is just full of wind
And I’m trying to fixate on the howl
If only I could go back to that empty ditch
And that shattered glass
Fall onto the dirt
Just close my eyes and focus on the smell of the gas
I once knew you
But don’t remind me
I just want to remember the burning
Of that dripping gasoline on dry fall leaves
The way I stammered your name
Speaking of the only thing that I believed
Winter cannot come sooner
For I am in love with the gray skies
And empty cold air
It makes me feel like I belong here
For three months at a time
When I felt like I wasn’t even here
For nearly two years
I once knew you
But don’t remind me
Just give me those thoughts of the icy metal bed
And my ripped clothing
The bandages on my head
I am in love with the bruises
That fell across my chest
And I adored the pains
That made it hard on my breath
Show me the aches and my old stiff limbs
Remind me of the dreams I never had
Tell me that I am something different now
Than I was before
Remind me that the winter world would give way to the warmest love I ever knew
But please don’t remind me
That I once knew you

There is Nothing Here

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There is nothing here
Nothing for you
Nothing for me
City of broken bones and worn down streets
Fields of nothing and people with nothing who want nothing
To change in their lives
Content with the same old ways
And constant stream of lies
There is nothing here for you
Doors stay locked until they leave the house
Leaves and trees are gathered and doused
With the same old gasoline
Same old match and flame
Same old trail of smoke leading into the sky seen
From miles away
I see no reason for anyone to stay
For there is nothing here
Nothing here for you
It’ll be the same in twenty years
As it was twenty years before
Same old tired people
Same old stagnant bore
Lawns stay mowed
The churches save souls
They hold these things so dear so they retain their control
Tired, unmoving, nothing left for anyone to fear
There is nothing for you here
Unmoving town with the unchanged people
The bells stay ringing in the old dilapidated steeple
At some point they’ll just lie down and turn to dust
And everything is far and nothing is near
And every harsh wind is a forgettable gust
You know as well as I – there is nothing for you here

Dark Skies

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I want to know
Why the light around us always seems fleeting
With every second I stand alone with you
I just want to see
Why there’s nothing here for me
And all that’s left is all I know
Two feet standing on the ground, and the pitter patter
Of the rain’s melodic fall
Drown me out
Pull me in
The dark skies are but the first signal of what’s just about to begin

Will I understand?
Come to terms with the situation here at hand?
These gray clouds and duller words
The crack of thunder is the only thing I ever heard
The horizon stays empty
As all the lights fade down
Left in the flood is all that we lost
And that we found
Look up to them –
Take it all in
Feel the trembling of the world
Underneath your frightful skin
Admit that the end of the world
Isn’t the end of sin
Crash and fall
Flash of the lightning’s crawl
The cooing of the wind turns to harsh screams
And all that’s left
Is what I refused to believe

A battle amongst the heavens
The black and gray versus the brightest blue
And the skies begin to dry
And nothing reigns supreme
As eternity looms nigh
And I cannot fathom the forever standing in front of me
As the trumpets start to blare
And when the people look above
You can see the light in the air
The skies ripple open and the seraphim ride through
Yet the end of all things
Is just something else to do
And they call to the masses
All that was and all that will ever be
Those who stood firm in faith
And those who could never believe
Yet I look above, alone as I was, and I know –
There will be nothing more for me

Over the Shore

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Everyday I hear the story
that you loved me
like I loved you
everyday just another story
of what’s to come next
and what was before me
trying to keep my head above water while the storm rages on
I see the misguided direction all around
as I try to walk before I crawl
but I knew that you were never there at all
we could dance for days
on the cliff of what would have
over the rocks of what never should have
but I don’t want to look back and see –
I just want to go back to the shore
and believe that was it for me
as my regrets stand tall

And if we fall
will you be here at all
to see me at the end
of this cliff
of the day
at the hall
would you dare say a word
for fear of what would come next
everything at once
or not a thing at all
rest assured
I wouldn’t lift my head
so you couldn’t tell if I heard you
so we could go back without the embarrassment
of things better left unsaid
but could you let it be
those foggy mirrors
windows through which you see me
let the sun set on this day
take your bag and drive away
there’s not a thing for us to say
to change
what was
never there
at
all

Disposable Camera

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There’s a camera in the back of my closet
On top the faded photographs and written notes
Boxes covered with layers of dust
All of the letters that we sent back and forth
Remnants of what never was –
Echoes of those ghosts
Images burning away in my mind
Like they did in the grass
Fading in the air like the rising smoke
From the incense that we liked
The scent of it all
Still fills my room
And I’m doing my best not to associate the smell with you
And the songs that we sang
Still remain the same
But the words that echo throughout my head
Continue to change

 

I made an effort
To forget what sits alone
Ever waiting for me to look back
And reminisce about the forgotten bones
Of something I should’ve buried long ago
Do they understand that they have no use anymore?
As the days fall past I forget what I even had them for
Feelings change and regrets grow
I’m sure you and I both can still feel the sting
Of when we both learned what we now know
I don’t even care anymore –
It’s been so long ago
I don’t need to remember yesterday
All that matters to me is watching the dying flame
The falling wick of the candles –
The torn pages of words
Every promise that was made and every lie that I heard
The smoke will still rise
From that burning effigy of what once had been –
what is now no more.
The only piece left
Is that disposable camera on the floor
Undeveloped photos
Memories that I will never have to see
Ghosts that will never rise
Regrets that will never come to be
What’s left on the film means absolutely nothing to me
So just like us – disposable and not worth much at all –
It too can be lost to the smoke
Rising through the air, carried by the breeze
So I can forget
That I really did believe

No Sense

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All I want to do
Is see you
And I can’t understand why
I can’t keep myself from looking your way
It makes less sense
Than snow in July
But every time I look to you
I hope to catch your eye.
Though it doesn’t matter – it would never be
I’m in love with someone
And I’m supposed to believe
That I’m doing what’s best for me
There’s no mail on Sundays
No sun on a rainy day
It wouldn’t make sense to change
What is already set in place
To try to change the ways
That I’ll be left here, stuck with nothing to say

I don’t know why
I keep thinking about you
It makes no sense to me –
It’s like claiming the ocean is only ten feet deep
There’s no reason why
I keep picturing your face
I hear your voice
And all sense seems to leave
The sun doesn’t go around us
And the Earth doesn’t stand in place
And yet here I am
Sense gone without a trace
And I still have no clue
What I am to do
Meant to love something other than you
Still forced to believe
That I know what’s right for me
Other things still remain the same –
The rising of the sun,
The turning of the tides
Yet despite being so sure in these things
My feelings remain the most intense
In these things that make no sense