SpongeBob Floaties (Pixie Girl)

Pixie Girl
With your stained glass cheeks
When we’re alone
My knees grow weak
I can hardly breathe
You’re in my dreams
I can be anyone you want me to be
You can share my cigarette
And we can dance with our silhouette
Oh Pixie Girl
You’re the only one I can’t forget

Pixie Girl
With your seashell smile
At the sound of your untamed laugh
I’m suddenly just a child
No clue where to go
No idea what to think
When I’m with you it’s only swim or sink
But i’m still stuck on shore
With my SpongeBob floaties
Drowning on land and collecting scraped knees
I just want you to pass the smoke from your cigarette
Make me do things my mouth will regret
Oh Pixie Girl
Why can’t i just forget

Pixie Girl
With your raindrop hair
You’re a cathedral of bad decisions
And I’m always on my knees in prayer
With you I’d go anywhere
Get tangled up in my fitted sheet
Get lost in your backseat
I want to sing songs on the sidewalk
Do drugs in the street
I want to taste the lipstick from the filter of your cigarette
Have us bleed through the lines of our personal vignette
Oh Pixie Girl
Please don’t make me forget

22 Year Old Male Seeking Ego Death at 2pm on a Tuesday

I have this feeling inside me as if I’m missing something key
Like I’m reaching out into openness for something
Yet it’s just too dark to see
I can’t put my tongue on the words I need
To say how I feel
And I’m just stuck here rambling, waiting for the big reveal

I know that there’s an undercurrent of desperation in the way I think and hope
I went to find life in my words but more often than not I choke
My mind still just wanders off into that forever never-ending
And I still can’t tell exactly to who’s will I am bending

This chaos is far too quiet for me
Silent screaming in the words
I won’t ever get to see
Some violent cacophony of anxiety
Still asking me what is it I am missing
Reaching out
Seeking out
Forgetting about
What it is I am thinking about

I can see it in the distance
Amongst the dark and fog
The twisting web of gears
Pins
And
Cogs
It’s like an eyesight test I’m still just a bit too blind to see
And I know that I want to be better
But I’m just waiting for my head to finally agree

Commute, Compute

I dreamt of an endless ocean and a sea of stars
Yet I’m stuck breathing in the smog
left behind an endless sea of cars
I wake up in the shadow kissed morning to a stillness not yet disturbed
By people waiting for their turn to speak
Just to hear the sound of their own words
I go about my day as I’ve done time and time again
Yet I feel as if I’m still waiting for my life to begin
I dreamt of a purpose
A point
A reason why
Something other than an endless cycle to just
Live, work, then die
I crave the embrace
That comes with a world past midnight
When our worries are long asleep
And I am finally able to feel alright
I’m ever reaching, wanting, waiting –
for that silent moment
Stuck between never before and always to come
Nothing but myself and my breathing
The time alone always more by itself than its sum
I dreamt of an endless ocean and a sense of worth
I dreamt of a night so still
you could feel the turning of the earth
I dreamt that I understood what it all meant
and that I was finally able to honestly say
that I’m just waiting for the morning
that I’m at last happy to face another day

Nevada

I once imagined
That the blinking red lights of the radio towers
In the distance along the highways
Were aliens coming down to Earth to kidnap
Unsuspecting prey
And my parents would drive down the pitch black desert roads
When I was supposed to be asleep
But instead I kept my face as close to the window as I could
As if to pretend that I was outside, running at seventy miles an hour –
The outlines of shadowy mountains just barely able to be made out
And I’d see the red blinking from the night sky
Almost as if it were trying to say hello
The car was silent
Except for the gentle rumble
Of the old, worn, interstate
And though it made me a little nervous at the time As it seemed like the lights were following us home
Part of me – still young and unjaded – part of me wished that we would stop
And the lights would take me with them
A willing traveler
Ready to leave a world
I knew would never be good to me anyways

The Passage of Time

The passage of time means little to me
Short passing waves of relativity
Flash hot in a second
Then leaves as soon as it goes
Leaving me slightly more weathered
Like a stone constantly caught in the midst of the ocean’s throes.

Time at all means little me
Morning to night or dusk to dawn
The crash and return of the sea
It never ends anyway – for I am but a moment caught in the tangle
Of what is, what may, and what will never be

Time was never time at all
Until it finally got its grip on me
She came into my life
And now time is all I see
A lifetime with her in my arms
Every year to pass by
Every minute I feel –
Because only the time spent with her is time that feels real

Whether years gone by in a rush
Or every second felt as it slows to a crawl
Whenever I’m with her, I want to feel it all
A life spent beside her is the only time I see
And that’s the only time that matters to me

I Met You in a Dream

A poem.

I met you in a dream
I couldn’t see your face
Beneath your body glow
But I was sure it was something beautiful
Someone I’d love to know
And I met you in a dream
Yet you didn’t speak a word to me
While I ranted and spoke in some otherworldly cacophony
And I met you in a dream
You were close and I was so far away
I’m pretty sure I loved you
But you told me that it was meant for other days
And just like that –
I was awake
What was given to me was still yours to take
And in those waking moments I still had such love
That I didn’t quite know how to release
I met you in a dream
And though I remember such melancholy
You snored and rolled over
And that’s when it came to me
It wasn’t some lost soul taunting me
With love that would never be
It was always you
Sleeping in our bed
Snoring lightly next to me
I smiled and was content as I gently kissed your forehead
Last night, in a dream, I saw you –
And the very next day my dream came true!

The Raging of the Storm

For Celena.

Too many words can be spent
On what’s better off unsaid
The same repetition of anxieties
The same hurricane raging in my head
Years flash by, leaving me uneasy –
Still looking at the path winding beside me
And fearing how unforgiving it can be to believe

But like ocean crashing over centuries
Washing the earth away in its tide
You fell over me
And made quiet my mind
The skipping of songs and the why and why-nots
You’ve calmed the worries that rage like storms
And you’ve remained in my thoughts

An anchor in the bay
Your love at the shore
A haze of days
I want you still just a bit more
Far too long I’ve focused
On those roads left unlit, unmarked on the map
Praying that someone else would take the first lap

Never did I think
I even had one more choice
Easy to scream
But not in my own voice
You’ve washed over me
Made quiet the storm
Years of fears and curled-up pain
I hardly even know what for
I looked to the horizon
I stood on the quiet shore
And there you stand with me –
The storm raging no more.

Edge of the Overpass

Floating in the overpass
I see your city through the fog
And I wonder if you see me
through pictures colored rose
or in some dark, corporeal dream
Just like you do.
Am I in your thoughts
or even in the shadows at your bedroom at night?

I wonder if anyone has over fallen off the edge –
of the overpass –
or of their thoughts.
Wanting a dream so bad
they forget the rest.

Through my windshield wipers
I can see your exit
But I’m sure the town
is as empty as you
So the rain pours on
as I drive forward

Winter, the Lover

(Open to Close)

It’s been cold for days
But that’s fine by me
I’d be numb anyways
I yearn for the violent wind
the punishing slaps to my face
the feeling of a thousand needles
I never get sick of the taste
I don’t want to walk
I don’t want to find a flame
Because I’ll just grow hot
And miss Winter my lover again
Her chill is so sweet
shattered glass on a carpet floor
blood stains the fabric
until you can’t feel anymore
She has me run to her
to feel her embrace
the flurries of dark wind
highways of empty space
no light in the distance
cities miles from the rearview
The windows rolled down
so she can tell me what to do

Two hands turn to one
one foot turns to two
as I pass eighty miles
just like she asked me to
I’ll only stop running
when I have a place to go
Alone in an empty apartment
or face first in the snow

I was never meant to make it
She told me that from the start
Warm from some other man
Because she got tired of a cold heart
No more anxiety, or worry
No more wondering left
She was like Winter
and I was, at best, blue
As I slept alone she told me
I should look the same on the outside too

One hand turns to none
Dim headlights turn to empty night
She howls from the window
“I’ll be yours forever – you know that it’s right.
Let me hold you on these empty roads.”

Winter was always there – the only lover I had ever chose
From the beginning to the end
Open to close.

 

Turn Right

Stuck on the highway between a semi and an oversized truck
Nothing left on the radio besides the terrible
and the so over played it sucks
I’m going twenty miles more than I should
Though my exit is only five away
And it kills me knowing that even though I’ll turn right
I could so easily drive right by

Wait until I find a better station, find a better song
Maybe just drive until I can admit to myself
that I know something wrong.
But you know as well as I
try though as I might
hours of miles or states away – I’ll never feel the same
All I do is turn right

I don’t know what it would take
After nights of rushing thoughts
and written admission a hundred ways
It doesn’t matter the time or place
It’s just not the same
I could run and hide and change my hair
Write a million words – no one would care
I’ll never go fast enough
to not still be me
and there’s not enough gas in the world
to change what I’m meant to be