Here We Go Again

Standard

Here we go again
No pencil to paper
But flesh to screen
Letting out streams of unbroken consciousness
In no new way then what was done before
But the writing gives no way to myself
My scrawl of ink scratching across some old notepad, no –
Instead across tepid electronic keyboard
And cold glass screen
Is there any of me
In what I do not touch?
Is there any emotion
In the places I do not reach?
Here we go again
Attempting to find
To feel
But it feels so empty and cold
And gives away none of emphasis I’d want to show
And so it’s all for show
Here we go again
Attempting to find
Trying to begin.

Reception in the Middle of Nowhere

Standard

(watchtower)

Is she always there
Standing over me
Watching as the seasons change
Over some sleepy, wondering sea
Across her face and beneath her eyes
Is always the same wistful gaze
Reflections floating like young waves
Crashing just to show their size
The air gets dry
As the music grows dreamy
Synth sounds and electric emotions
As my head gets heavy beneath me
Roads pass by
And signs grow far out of distance
The radio changes with the reception –
Before we hit the chorus
And I sit looking out the rearview mirror
The radio tower lights blinking at me
Like a watch tower searching for a signal
And I wonder
If I might’ve left it on the interstate
And that’s why the music sounds so abysmal
And the static that crackles is its own accusatory finger
Blaming me for not trying harder
To get it back

Shattered Glass

Standard

The wind howls louder still
Reaching for the empty heart
Of someone who never got their fill
Of a life that has yet to start
All of those hopeful flames
Dancing in such a cold, dark room
Ever so reluctant to respond to the change
We forget that we aren’t the same
Despite our matching tombs

So open your lungs
And breathe in
All these shards of shattered glass
Left in the future
From the pieces of our broken past
Breath out
All these shards of shattered glass
When we all stand alone
Who will be left to last?

Soak in the left over memories
And face the mirror
See the man you built
Out of the anger of all that you couldn’t achieve
Did you hear that it all comes crashing down?
Like the missed notes
Of your favorite love song
It’s going to come back around –
Despite the coughing and blood in your breath
We know the lost will eventually be found

So open your lungs
And breath in that shattered glass
No falling water can cleanse
What moves so fast
Breath out all that shattered glass
The pain will lose its edge
Though the scars always last
And while you lie sleeping
And I’m lost in my head
I’ll gather up all that shattered glass
Left behind on all those roads I’ve yet to tread

Over the Shore

Standard

Everyday I hear the story
that you loved me
like I loved you
everyday just another story
of what’s to come next
and what was before me
trying to keep my head above water while the storm rages on
I see the misguided direction all around
as I try to walk before I crawl
but I knew that you were never there at all
we could dance for days
on the cliff of what would have
over the rocks of what never should have
but I don’t want to look back and see –
I just want to go back to the shore
and believe that was it for me
as my regrets stand tall

And if we fall
will you be here at all
to see me at the end
of this cliff
of the day
at the hall
would you dare say a word
for fear of what would come next
everything at once
or not a thing at all
rest assured
I wouldn’t lift my head
so you couldn’t tell if I heard you
so we could go back without the embarrassment
of things better left unsaid
but could you let it be
those foggy mirrors
windows through which you see me
let the sun set on this day
take your bag and drive away
there’s not a thing for us to say
to change
what was
never there
at
all

Disposable Camera

Standard

There’s a camera in the back of my closet
On top the faded photographs and written notes
Boxes covered with layers of dust
All of the letters that we sent back and forth
Remnants of what never was –
Echoes of those ghosts
Images burning away in my mind
Like they did in the grass
Fading in the air like the rising smoke
From the incense that we liked
The scent of it all
Still fills my room
And I’m doing my best not to associate the smell with you
And the songs that we sang
Still remain the same
But the words that echo throughout my head
Continue to change

 

I made an effort
To forget what sits alone
Ever waiting for me to look back
And reminisce about the forgotten bones
Of something I should’ve buried long ago
Do they understand that they have no use anymore?
As the days fall past I forget what I even had them for
Feelings change and regrets grow
I’m sure you and I both can still feel the sting
Of when we both learned what we now know
I don’t even care anymore –
It’s been so long ago
I don’t need to remember yesterday
All that matters to me is watching the dying flame
The falling wick of the candles –
The torn pages of words
Every promise that was made and every lie that I heard
The smoke will still rise
From that burning effigy of what once had been –
what is now no more.
The only piece left
Is that disposable camera on the floor
Undeveloped photos
Memories that I will never have to see
Ghosts that will never rise
Regrets that will never come to be
What’s left on the film means absolutely nothing to me
So just like us – disposable and not worth much at all –
It too can be lost to the smoke
Rising through the air, carried by the breeze
So I can forget
That I really did believe

Generic Pop-Punk Love Song

Standard

Oh, if only I could play the guitar
Strum a little tune for you
If only I could sing
This wouldn’t be a poem
You’d have to read
If only I could write
An angsty anthem of the night
That I knew that I loved you
This could be some heavy
Punk rock melody
And you could sing along
To your generic pop-punk love song…

If only this began with some bass
And a kick-ass drum solo
I’d be able to start crooning about a life without you
Is a life full of woe
I could tell you that I love you
With every raging word
And yell obvious metaphors to describe how much I miss you
Like I was Mark Hoppus
And this was Blink-182

I’d hide my desire to sing awkward, nervous lyrics
Behind those heavy pounding drums
In every catchy, stupid chorus
Every song would have some long, irrevelent title
That still turns out to be irrefutably clever
Like “Being in love with you is like having a cold, and baby, I’m under the weather”
And you’d hear the song, and think “Man, that title made no sense.”
But hey, honey –
I’m no Pete Wentz

But I don’t know how
To use a whammy bar
I can’t show you
The frets on a guitar
I’m no Billy Joe –
No punk rocker, I know –
I don’t know how to serve up a killer chorus
Or sing a song to you from the bleachers
Like an impromptu movie performance
I just know that I
Never want to say goodbye
And I just want to try
for you.

But who knows if I’d have any success?
Maybe it’s just a waste of time
Perhaps I’ll just end up on the floor
Chiming in, asking for someone to shut the damn door –
I don’t want there to be any misconceptions
You really are the only exception
One might even say you’re my paramore

But I can’t play the guitar
To make a melody for you
And I don’t know how to sing a song
That can stop you from feeling blue
I just know that I love you
And I don’t want to be without you

So I don’t care if it’s a generic pop-punk love song that does the trick
I really think you and I click
Or even a bit of quirky indie rock
I love you and I won’t stop
So words to a poem
Or lyrics to a song
I hope you can still sing along
To your generic pop-punk love song