I wanna live in Boulder, Colorado
Take me to Farmington, New Mexico
I might even settle for Akron, Ohio
I just want to be away from here
Any direction that I don’t know
I can’t understand what I constantly see
I want to be somewhere that doesn’t know me.
I feel like I’ve stood still for ten years
I’m still just learning how to swallow my fears
Everyone around me seems familiar yet I don’t know a single one
For I can’t grow
With all of this sun
And none
At the same time
It feels like this changing weather
Is yet another ignored sign
It’s never cold here
I just want to wear a jacket longer than an hour in the morning
I don’t have any friends around here
And I feel like I have an obligation to act boring
so I can force myself to be left alone
and I can pretend to be mourning
There was someone that could’ve been here
Another man I’ll never be
I’ll just listen to Iron and Wine
And Phoebe Bridgers
And think about the person
That is not me
I want to live in Casper, Wyoming
Maybe I could learn to love Dover, Delaware
Though you couldn’t pay me to move to Oklahoma
I’m more content in my despair
How could I ever stand to love you
I’m tired of the people I don’t even know
I tried to go back to college but its not worth it to me
I’d still just feel alone
But with a two year degree
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to keep thinking about what I’ll never be
I’d just listen to MGMT and the Paper Kites
But there’s no music to drown out my internalized screaming
Because I can’t even make myself agree
With me
Let alone
All of the spaces in-between
I don’t know what I’m doing with my hair
I don’t understand the clothes that I want to wear
I don’t get the opinions I feel mentally
I don’t want to deal with the neurosis I see far too clearly
I don’t know what it is I want
A family and a dog and a farmhouse in Vermont
Or alone living in a van and writing poetry outside of small restaurants
But that’s not me
This place isn’t me
Who I am isn’t me
To tell you the truth
I don’t even know
If I’m ever me
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