Under the Skin

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(no more)

Under my skin
You fell so deep
Lips like honey
Against my skin your kisses seep
Dripping like rain
On tear soaked diary pages
Leave it all to me
Running off as the storm rages
Left to find solace in empty memories
Recalling what you’ve remember a thousand times before
It’s time you realized that what you picture
Isn’t there anymore
You make your way under my skin
And I yearn for those sugar soaked eyes
And warm embraces made of gin
I want to remember
What I want you to think of me
But what’s in my head – the dreams that I see
There’s nothing there that is based in reality
Nothing that we can reach to, from under the skin
Anything that we can make flesh
Anything we can begin

Seasonal Ineffective

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(sun sickness)

 

Caught up in a tangle of ninety-three individual days
Circadian cycles passing in some heatstroke haze
Catch up just to fall behind
And see the water fall beneath
In our heads – the only images lies
In some dusty, dried creek
Ripples of forgetful
You take what you can get
See what you still remember
Crowded pathways of those
Just waiting for December
And we sit and wait because
The global warming feels so nice today
The ice caps can melt
But we all take swimming lessons anyway
And why look over the rim of the bomb shelter
To see what the observers have to say
Oh well
We all have to die some day

 

Ninety-three days pass
And I still don’t know when we begun
I’m just waiting for the world the end
Because I’m getting just a little sick of the sun

I love you.

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I love you
I love the way that I shouldn’t love you
I love these feelings that should not exist
I love the dark night drives
Through dusty roads
With long, expanding fields
And only god knows
Why I love the way you feel against me
Your skin against mine should be nothing special
But when your chest moves I feel like I can breathe
I love the hate I feel in myself
Loving something I shouldn’t ever have felt
I love the way you look up at me
And there’s silence and a sigh and we both can’t believe
So the night stops for a moment or two
To give a little time for us two
To remember why it shouldn’t be us two
But all there is, is you and I
Us two
And I love the way there shouldn’t be love
And I love the way I want this to end
And I love the way I don’t ever want you to leave
But
Despite silent eyes and desperate conversations
Such quiet in the sky as the radio is blaring
And there’s no movement at all in us
Except the car, gently rolling over unpaved roads
I hate who I am
And I have what I’ve chose
Because these roads less traveled
They will consume us
And take us to dark paths
Nobody knows

Here We Go Again

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Here we go again
No pencil to paper
But flesh to screen
Letting out streams of unbroken consciousness
In no new way then what was done before
But the writing gives no way to myself
My scrawl of ink scratching across some old notepad, no –
Instead across tepid electronic keyboard
And cold glass screen
Is there any of me
In what I do not touch?
Is there any emotion
In the places I do not reach?
Here we go again
Attempting to find
To feel
But it feels so empty and cold
And gives away none of emphasis I’d want to show
And so it’s all for show
Here we go again
Attempting to find
Trying to begin.

Reception in the Middle of Nowhere

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(watchtower)

Is she always there
Standing over me
Watching as the seasons change
Over some sleepy, wondering sea
Across her face and beneath her eyes
Is always the same wistful gaze
Reflections floating like young waves
Crashing just to show their size
The air gets dry
As the music grows dreamy
Synth sounds and electric emotions
As my head gets heavy beneath me
Roads pass by
And signs grow far out of distance
The radio changes with the reception –
Before we hit the chorus
And I sit looking out the rearview mirror
The radio tower lights blinking at me
Like a watch tower searching for a signal
And I wonder
If I might’ve left it on the interstate
And that’s why the music sounds so abysmal
And the static that crackles is its own accusatory finger
Blaming me for not trying harder
To get it back

Tomorrow to Come

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(summer soliloquy)

Who could tell
Who could wonder why
When summer passes through me
Like tears on hazy honey eyes
When it floats away, like those dreams on the big open sea
And life is simply another
Lonely menagerie
Things will never be the same
As they were before
Quiet songs on the record player
Spinning old songs of anti-war
Kissing in the driveway
Before you head back home
Silent cravings felt
Sitting in our separate rooms
But one of these days
Everything will finally stop moving slow
And finally it will feel like
Time has a flow
And tomorrow will come
‘At long last’ we’ll cry
And I’ll sleep next you
As the world goes by.

What’s Left of What Was Said

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I sit beside the crowds of people I see everyday
Yet cannot bring myself to recognize
I don’t understand a single word they say
But Lord, how I try
Perching in the rafters above the rumble of empty words
Faces that don’t mean a thing to me
I look over the scape and I don’t understand what I’ve heard
Stuck like a piece of twine between two adjacent trees
Across it all
What matters at all
Is the fading permanence of it all
Imprints in the sand just meant to fade
Collide and walk away
Fiercely in love
With the concept of numbered days
And trying to walk back down roads already once tread
Picking up the pieces of what’s left in the dust
Picking up what’s left of what was said

 

Sitting in the back seats as the cameras roll
And the seasons shift
Everyone knows how to brace for the cold
But I still can’t manage to patch this rift
Sitting between us from across the vine
I can’t tell what we’re trying to repair
Where I am, I can only try to find the time
To try to see where the next blow is going to hit
To stand alone and wait for the world to forget
A world full of cotton stuffed people
Around me sits a sea of ingenue
Perching in the shadow of some forgotten steeple
How can flesh and blood relate to felt and sinew?
They know better than I what they’re trying to get
Desperately in love with what they can introspect
And what they’ll be able to forget
They all think we’re all just left for dead
Left holding the broken strings of their marionette
Left with what’s left of what was said

You and I – there isn’t any time
Before the buttons get stitched over our eyes
And we sit up in the middle of the night, alone from our separate beds –
Dreaming about what’s left of what was said

Shattered Glass

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The wind howls louder still
Reaching for the empty heart
Of someone who never got their fill
Of a life that has yet to start
All of those hopeful flames
Dancing in such a cold, dark room
Ever so reluctant to respond to the change
We forget that we aren’t the same
Despite our matching tombs

So open your lungs
And breathe in
All these shards of shattered glass
Left in the future
From the pieces of our broken past
Breath out
All these shards of shattered glass
When we all stand alone
Who will be left to last?

Soak in the left over memories
And face the mirror
See the man you built
Out of the anger of all that you couldn’t achieve
Did you hear that it all comes crashing down?
Like the missed notes
Of your favorite love song
It’s going to come back around –
Despite the coughing and blood in your breath
We know the lost will eventually be found

So open your lungs
And breath in that shattered glass
No falling water can cleanse
What moves so fast
Breath out all that shattered glass
The pain will lose its edge
Though the scars always last
And while you lie sleeping
And I’m lost in my head
I’ll gather up all that shattered glass
Left behind on all those roads I’ve yet to tread

Bloom

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From beyond the nights
And into my sleeping head
Working for that sign of light
To finally pull me from my bed
A dance of moving parts and pieces
Gears twisting in their place
Fingers running over the creases
Left behind in the sheets
For behind my eyes – I no longer see your face
There’s nothing left in sleep for me
Not a sound or song or words of validation
Just the cries of the demands for my condemnation
There’s no quiet left in my room for me
Just echos of sounds and trails of hazy smoke
But before I wake to face the fumes
Of something lesser than what I want
I’m just waiting for these thorns in my head
To twist and bloom

A ballet of roses
And sweeter scents than what was left behind
A trickle of color
A downpour of things we’ll never find
I can hear everything so loudly
A symphony of re-repeating
Another collection of words
Just ski-skipping
I can feel it in my chest
The petals wilting ever so soon
So that the weeds and thickets
Can continue to bloom

There’s nothing  but twisting in the dark
There’s nothing but absence in the cold
A lack of color to your lungs
And an empire of dead bones to behold
The world turns beneath
As I sleep in the silence of it all
And the quiet, rushing thoughts bare their yellow teeth
There’s so much of it all
In the aching of the gloom
I can only wait for morning
And hope there is more waiting to break through and bloom

Rubble (Left in October)

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I once knew you
But don’t remind me
Like the rubble of the car wreck
That still sits close to me
And the oxygenated air
That still makes me dizzy
I don’t want to think about what doesn’t make me forget
An orange atmosphere with nothing left
And voices in the background to remind me of my debt
My mind is just full of wind
And I’m trying to fixate on the howl
If only I could go back to that empty ditch
And that shattered glass
Fall onto the dirt
Just close my eyes and focus on the smell of the gas
I once knew you
But don’t remind me
I just want to remember the burning
Of that dripping gasoline on dry fall leaves
The way I stammered your name
Speaking of the only thing that I believed
Winter cannot come sooner
For I am in love with the gray skies
And empty cold air
It makes me feel like I belong here
For three months at a time
When I felt like I wasn’t even here
For nearly two years
I once knew you
But don’t remind me
Just give me those thoughts of the icy metal bed
And my ripped clothing
The bandages on my head
I am in love with the bruises
That fell across my chest
And I adored the pains
That made it hard on my breath
Show me the aches and my old stiff limbs
Remind me of the dreams I never had
Tell me that I am something different now
Than I was before
Remind me that the winter world would give way to the warmest love I ever knew
But please don’t remind me
That I once knew you